Friday, February 10, 2012

To be (friends) or not to be (friends)?

I wish I liked everyone. Life would be so much easier.

But the fact is, I don't like everyone. There are going to be people I don't like and that don't like me- and that's ok.

Rather, its ok on the condition that you're graceful about it.

I know people on either end of the spectrum. I think I lie somewhere a little closer to the "you probably can't tell I don't like you" side.

I have a friend who has a few people he doesn't particularly care for. And... you would never know it. Maybe that' s because he avoids social situations where they're heavily involved, but not to a degree that would throw up red flags. Or that he's just generally so even-keel. Those are great qualities to have. He's nice enough to them, and really that's an ideal way to be treated by someone who doesn't like you. Those are the kind of people I want not liking me! "Look, I don't like you very much, but I respect you enough to not be a total d-bag to you or say super shitty things about you."

And its multiplied when there's alcohol involved.

Odds are if you don't like someone, they probably don't like you much either-- so look at how they're treating you. If its obvious they've got a hate-on for you, then you know how NOT to act; but if they're being pleasant and you're being a dick, you're definitely the bad guy in that equation. Because (and this is like 1000x more true if you're a woman) if you don't like someone, your friends know- even if you didn't tell them- they've likely figured it out.

[At one point I was venting to aforementioned even-keel amigo, and he turned to me and snapped "Just admit that you don't like her-- stop trying to find the silver lining-- you don't like her. Own it." Well-deserved, well-received reality slap.]

Just be nice; its not that difficult. OR try this: avoid them so that will drastically reduce the amount of time you have to spend feigning kindness. However, just a word of caution: in large social situations, you may have to suck it up and deal with them. It's not going to kill you.

[Since my reality slap] If I don't prefer someone, I don't go through great lengths to hide it, but I'm not an ass about it. Odds are I'll try avoiding having them in my home, but other than that- no harm in making sure they're included in things. I don't go out of my way to include them in everything I do, but if one of their friends is going to be there and its a big enough event, I really don't mind having them around. And also, I just kinda treat them like they're someone I just met- don't get super personal or affectionate. Basically, odds are they don't like me either, so I just treat them the way I would hope they would treat me.

It's not that difficult to be nice. So why do some people have such a difficult time with it?

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