Sunday, September 1, 2013

Control, jealousy, and general bad manners.

Some people can be really mean. I think after a certain age, for the most part, the mean becomes something less intentional and more habitual; most likely behaviors that were never corrected in youth. I know I have some crappy behavioral habits, but I would say that mine are probably closer to the "irritating" side as opposed to the "mean" side.

It's really amazing what people think they can get away with. Its one thing to snap under pressure-- because there's less of a cruel intent involved. In my adult life, I've encountered too many people who "should know better"-- and probably do-- but don't take a second to think before they speak.
I think these people are probably miserable on the inside.

I don't understand people who make rude, mean, or inappropriate comments (towards another person) that are completely unprompted. To an extent, I understand unkind remarks when they are in response to an event (like if you see someone picking their nose and you call them out on it). However, even those comments should be censored.

I think the meanies can be categorized into a few sub-categories.

This person will rarely, if ever, have a nice thing to say about anyone or anything. That's not to say they're running their mouth saying terrible things all the time; but rather when conversations about opinions arise, they will almost always be overly-critical.
I hate that restaurant. 
Her shirt is ugly. 
My boyfriend is a total liar.

I don't understand people who have nothing nice to say. Ever. Nothing is 100% terrible (or 100% perfect) all the time. How is it that they find something negative in every situation?

If you're friends with this person you should watch out. Was your friendship formed over a mutual DISlike of something/someone? Do you feel like you constantly want to speak negatively about someone or something when you're with the other person? Did you suddenly take a turn towards a negative outlook on things/people you had previously liked or enjoyed? I'm sure everyone has had at least one friend like this, and I am no exception. However, since the (gradual) ending of that friendship, I have definitely taken note of how I bond with friends. I never want to be the friend people look back on and be like "Man, Katie was such a downer."

Constant Complainer
This person will literally complain about everything. Not unlike the Downer, the CC will find negativity everywhere. I think the one big difference with the CC is that they seem to make their complaint and not necessarily let the negative feelings from the original stimuli spill over into other areas as much as the Downer.

For example, I live in Korea. Pickles are on everything and its safer to assume there will be pickles on it, than its is to assume they won't. The average response is "Ugh, there are pickles on this," and then the pickles are removed. Done. No more commentary. With the CC, they'll make the initial complaint and then continually complain about the pickles throughout the meal: I can't believe there were pickles on this. Why would they put pickles on this? It still tastes like pickles. I didn't like that restaurant because of the pickles on everything.

They just dwell on the negative.

The Judge
In my opinion, this one is the worst (to have as a friend).Every opinion is countered by a judging look, or more likely, a judgy statement.

You like THAT guy?!
You like THOSE shoes?!
You DON'T WANT to ride a bike?!

Like, chill. Everyone has their opinions on things. This person will make it very clear what theirs are... and if you fall outside of what they deem acceptable you are sure to know it.

If you're on a diet: its the wrong diet. If you would rather drink water than cola: you're depriving yourself. If you don't want to go hiking: you're missing out on a great exercise... I thought you LIKED exercise. 

I haven't yet figured this person out. I feel like there are a few possibilities why they feel the need to be so critical. Maybe they're not secure in their opinions and decisions, and therefore need to be overly defensive and critical towards anyone in contradiction. Or maybe they're just jerks by nature and they just want to make you feel bad. The second option is them scratching and clawing for control. If they can make you feel bad enough about not getting that scoop of ice cream, you'll eventually break and submit. Sometimes a little friendly pressure is fine. Trust your instincts: if you feel like they're bordering on mean, find a way to remove yourself from the situation. If it continues, find a way to remove yourself from the relationship.

There are many different kinds of meanies, but those three are the ones I have encountered most recently and most commonly. Conveniently, they're also the easier to deal with- and dealing with them is something I'll cover in a future post!

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